“Hi, Mom,” Alice couldn’t help sounding irritated as she sank into her favorite chair with the phone against her ear.
“This dating profile you and Sisko created is crap.”
“So write it yourself, what do I care?” Alice cradled the phone between her shoulder and ear as she picked at a tuna sandwich.
“Honey, I know you’re still upset about Joe, we all miss him. It’s been a whole year though.”
“Tomorrow, it’ll be a year tomorrow,” Alice said, absently nibbling on a tomato.
“If you start to cry I’m hanging up.”
“Don’t tempt me.” Alice heard her mother sigh on the other end of the line. There was a minute of silence and Alice knew her mother was regrouping. Her mother was like Patton, she had a strategic goal and she’d accomplish it no matter what the casualties were. Behind her back Alice and her father had called her mother ‘Old Blood and Guts’ for years.
“Alice, you know I love you,” came the cooing voice from the other end of the line.
“I’ll pretend.”
“You need a man. And you aren’t going to get one by putting on a dating website that you are a lepidopterist.”
“But that’s what I am.”
“It’s nerdy. No one likes a girl who thinks too much.”
“No, idiots don’t like girls who think too much.” There was more silence on the other end. Old Blood and Guts was switching tack again. Alice took a bite of her tuna and flipped on the T.V. She had yoga class in an hour and this conversation could easily run that long if she couldn’t figure out how to derail it.
“Mom, have you ever heard of Glaucopsyche xerces?”
“Honestly, Alice, I don’t want to talk bugs right now. I want to get you a man so you can have grandkids.”
“You should adopt.” Alice heard her father in the background asking about the butterfly and she smiled.
“Your father wants to know the butterfly you asked me about.”
“The Xerces blue.” Alice took another bite and listened to her father burst into muffled laughter as her mother told him the name of the butterfly.
“What’s the joke?” her mother demanded.
“Glaucopsyche xerces was the first butterfly to become extinct in the U.S. when a practice ground for Army tanks was built over the sand dunes where it lived.”
“I don’t get why that’s funny.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom.” Alice could hear her mother cover the phone and scream at her father who was still laughing.
“I don’t get you two sometimes.”
“Dad likes me.”
“I love you. I want you to be happy. Your father is still laughing.”
“Hey, Mom, I gotta go. I have yoga.” her mother was still berating her father.
“I’m not done.”
“I know, Mom, but I need to leave.”
“Fine, but I’m monitoring your profile and I’m picking dates for you. Email me your schedule so I know when to book men for dates.”
“No. Bye.” Alice hit the hang-up button on the phone and let her head fall back into the comfy chair.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.jpg)
I liked this piece. My parents are very similar, so I can relate, with the whole "you're getting to be that age where you need to start a family and stuff." But I liked the way it was written, it was a bit vague like a Hemingway short. What to mind was "Hills like white elephants" where it starts in the middle of dialogue and it sets up a scene. At first I couldn't tell if Joe was deceased or it was just a regular breakup, but you capture the mom's role very well. Actually, the characterization is well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. Hemingway is one of my favorites so that means a lot. Glad you're enjoying it:)
ReplyDelete