Episode-10: Broken Wing Finger

Alice and Sisko stood in Alice’s kitchen draped in aprons. Sisko’s was spotless and Alice, apron and all, was covered in flour. Alice stirred thick cookie dough with a wooden spoon while Sisko rinsed dishes and shook her head at Dr. Phill

“That guy is such a crock of you-know-what, Alice,” she tisked while she wiped down the counter where Alice was still mixing.

“So change it. I hate this garbage anyway,” Alice dug a spoonful of chocolate chip laden dough out of the bowl and held it up to Sisko, “Want this?”

“Eeeww! No! I’ll get salmonella.” Sisko closed her mouth squished her face up in a grimace of disgust. Alice shrugged her shoulders and ate the dough.

“Your loss. Do you have the baking sheet ready?” Sisko nodded and pulled moved the baking sheet to the counter where Alice was mixing. Alice pulled a big spoonful of dough out of the bowl and was about to drop it onto the cookie sheet when the doorbell rang. Sisko rolled the dough off the spoon.

“Are we expecting anyone?” she asked.

“Nope,” Alice wiped her hands on her apron and walked out to the door with Sisko on her heels, fluffing her hair. Alice opened the door to an Armani suit and corporate smile.

“Oh, God,” Sisko moaned. She grabbed the door from Alice and started to shut it, but Nick stuck his hand out and stopped her. Alice caught a glimpse of his gold pinky ring and grabbed its native finger shoving it backwards from the hand and stretching it in its socket.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but if my sister tries to shut the door on you, I suggest you be a gentleman and let her,” she said, enjoying the surprised look of pain on Stockbroker324’s leathery, tan face.

“I just wanted to ask you out again,” he stammered, “I thought you seemed nice.”

“I’m not.” Alice wrenched the pinky back, delighting in the sick snap it made as it dislocated. Reflexively, Nick stepped back from the door and onto the porch. His mouth opened and started to form words.

“You…” Sisko slammed the door. Alice locked it. They looked at each other, listening. It was quiet for a second. And then the pounding started and the shouting. Alice and Sisko shrugged and walked back into the kitchen. Sisko flipped the TV to the cooking channel and turned up the volume. Alice finished globbing cookies onto the baking sheet. When the cookie sheet was full she put it in the oven and set the timer, uncorked a bottle of wine, and poured glasses for Sisko and herself. The pounding and shouting went on longer than they expected, but sitting on the sofa with wine and the TV turned up, they hardly noticed Nick was there. Soon the homey aroma of cookies filled the air and they really were as happy as two screwy sisters could be.

Epsiode-9: Butterfly of a Different Color

Sisko woke up in her hospital room, again. Alice had promised this was the last day. That everything would be arranged and she could leave. She looked over at the unopened bag of knitting her father had brought her. This place seemed too tainted to open it. Tainted was the only word her mind screamed when she thought of where she was. The therapist who came by three times a day kept asking her what that meant. Sisko kept not explaining it. As if it was her business. As if she would ever see the woman again. She looked at the flowers her ER doctor, Dr. Geden had left. She smiled. He had plied her for tons of information about herself, but she knew he wanted to hear about Alice. And she had spilled the beans. Told him everything sweet and endearing she could think of about her older sister. Alice wasn’t happy by herself and Sisko just wanted her sister happy again.

She showered and got into clean hospital clothes, she refused to wear her own. Tainted. Someone knocked on the door and then came in. They did that here, not waiting for permission. It was Alice.

“Hey, Sis, how are ya?” She asked, handing Sisko a black coffee from Starbucks.

“Yay! Better now,” Sisko grabbed the coffee.

“They won’t discharge you until this afternoon, but Dad and I have everything all set up at my house. You have internet and everything.”

“Sweet. I’ve been thinking a lot, mostly because I have nothing else to do, and I’m really happy that it’s ending up like this. I think moving out of Mom’s is going to be good for me.”

“You think?” Alice rolled her eyes, “Glad you’ve finally realized that. I’ve only been telling you for years that you should get out of there. You kill me.” Another knock on the door made Sisko jump, and then smile. She’d arranged it this way. No one coming or going. They would both have to sit here.

“Oh, Dr. Geden,” Sisko said, her voice all light and airy, “so nice of you to drop by.” He shuffled into the room, looking for a seat. Alice got up and offered him hers. She moved to Sisko’s bed and sat on the end.

“Thank you, Sisko. I just wanted to stop by and wish you well,” Dr, Geden said, leaning toward her bed.

“You’re so sweet, George.” Sisko sipped her coffee and looked at Alice.

“Yep, sweet.” Alice smiled. Sisko watched them both. It was agonizing. It was stupid. They had a lot in common, she knew they would get along.

“George has a sister too,” she said, “she’s a lesbian though. So he doesn’t really try to set her up with dates like I do to you.” Sisko grinned and sipped her coffee.

“Well, actually, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with her, Sisko. I’ve been trying to get up the courage to ask. I know the circumstances are a little odd.” Sisko froze, open mouthed, looking at Alice. Alice just had a funny look on her face.

“Oh my God,” Alice said.

“No, thank you. You should leave.” Sisko pointed to the door with her head down. She looked up just in time to see Alice slip the doctor her card and mouth ‘call me’. As the door closed behind Dr. Geden. Sisko hit Alice in the head with a pillow.

“Sisko?”

“Shut-up.”

Episode-8: Carnivores

“Al, you gotta see this. Frodo’s back from Hawaii, and he’s got live specimens,” Peter said, poking his head into Alice’s office.

“Live specimens? Dude, wait for me.” Alice jumped up from her chair and ran down the hallway with Peter.

“I heard he brought back Eupitheca caterpillars,” Peter said, a wide grin across his face.

“No way? Live Eupitheca? Which one? Staurophragma? Scoriodes? Holy shizz, Peter, this is so cool.”

“Do you even know how cute you are?” Peter said, a grin still plastered on his face and not breaking his stride.

“What?” Alice stopped walking.

“Nothing, just come on will you? Live Eupitheca.”

“We’re talking about this later,” Alice said as she punched her code into the lock leading to a secure, windowless lab, where live specimens were kept under strict lock and key to prevent them from escaping and becoming pests. Peter and Alice pushed their way through a small crowd of older gentlemen and grad students to a middle aged short, stocky man with bushy, sandy blond hair and compact facial features. He held aloft a stick. A brown caterpillar grasped the stick tightly with six legs on the end segment of its body. The rest of its smooth body flailed about, perpendicular to the stick and terminating in six, spiked legs and a ravenous mouth. Like something out of a sci-fi movie, they watched as the short man brought a fly he held in tweezers to the caterpillar. It grabbed the fly with its six, knifelike, legs and devoured it. Alice jumped up and down in excitement.

“Dr. Frond, it’s incredible,” she said, “Is it staurophragma?”

“Yes, we found them on Oahu. You can’t imagine the trouble we had getting them back here. I have several other species as well. I don’t think we’ll have any problem raising them in the lab. They seem to eat anything they can grab. Ravenous little buggers.” He puffed his chest out and winked at Alice.

“I didn’t know you were studying them. Are you thinking about adapting them to pest control here?” Alice asked, ignoring the wink.

“That’s the idea. We want to see how hardy they are, if they can survive here and what we can get them to eat. If they can help out farmers, we might see more of these little fellows around.”

“Amazing,” Alice stuck her finger up to the little caterpillar, it latched on and nibbled. She laughed, “It doesn’t bite very hard.”
“Yes, out of 160,000, less than one percent of all caterpillars are carnivorous,” Dr. Frond said, chest puffing out even more.

“I imagine everyone here knows that, Frodo,” Peter said. Alice looked from him to Dr. Frond as they stared at each other.

“Ok, well, I have to get back to work. Congratulations Dr. Frond,” Alice said, turning to exit the lab. Peter followed her without a word. Once outside he dropped his smile.

“Old fart ruined the experience. Why does he have to be such a jerk? As if you need old men flirting with you,” Peter said as they walked to Alice’s office. Alice gave him a sideways glance.

“I think I can decide what I need, thanks.” Alice ushered him into her office and shut the door behind him. She just stared at him for a minute, hands in his pockets, nice sweater vest, that salt and pepper faux hawk. Now that she had him in her office, she wasn’t sure how to break the silence. Neither of them spoke. They stood facing each other but Alice was unable to look into Peter’s eyes. She could feel the intensity in the room. He cleared his throat.

“So, how’s Sisko?”

“Oh, uh, she’s ok. Still in the hospital. That ER doctor is up there all the time too, it’s really cute. I think he has a thing for her. But my Dad and I found her a therapist and all her stuff is moved into my house so, I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Alice half sat on her desk, relaxing her pose even though she didn’t feel relaxed at all. She’d never felt like this around Peter before and she was upset with her self.

“Cool, good for her.” He lifted his eyes to hers.

“Um, maybe when she’s out you could come over for dinner. She makes great cheesecake.” Alice smiled, trying to break through the awkwardness hanging like toxic fog in the room.

“Sure,” he smiled, “I’d really like that.” He grabbed the handle and slipped out the door. Alice realized she’d been holding her breath and let it out slowly. Peter had been over to her house dozens of times, just not since Joe died. He and Joe had been good friends. Alice slid down to the floor. She couldn’t process all of this new attention. First Peter, and then the doctor, she’d lied about the doctor. He was there for her, not Sisko. With her head in her hands she cried and wished for the millionth time that Joe was still alive.

Episode-7: Sisko's Fate

Alice stood arm in arm with Sisko in the emergency room. She watched with amusement as the people in the waiting room watched them. Her mother was white as a sheet with a bloody pillow case tied around her right calf and screaming that her own daughter had tried to kill her. Her father calmly ignored her and spoke to the woman at the admitting desk, leaning on the tall counter with one elbow while thumbing through his wallet for the proper insurance info. Then there was Sisko, with ‘Patricia’ carved sloppily up her leg while the blood ran down it and scowling at everyone as she clung to Alice. No doubt they wondered which daughter had tried to kill the alarmed woman and what such a person might do next if not restrained.

She could only hear snippets of what her father was saying to the admitting nurse: “not pressing charges”, “sort of an accident”, “can you keep my wife in psych for observation”.

Sisko and Patricia were helped into wheelchairs and ushered quickly to separate, but adjoining exam tables. A sheet hung between them for privacy. For the sake of ferreting out the truth in this mess, the same ER doctor would attend both women. Alice listened to the doctor talk to her mother.

“Ms. Kipp, I’m Dr. Geden, can you tell me what happened?” he was curt, perfect for dealing with a hysterical person of any sort. Alice appreciated the clinical efficiency and firm tone and absently rubbed Sisko’s arm to comfort her as they both sat on the exam table. Her mother’s account involved Sisko chasing her, wild-eyed, around the house wielding a ‘gleaming instrument of death’. Even Sisko chuckled at that one.

“Ms. Kipp, if you can tell me what happened, without the theatrics, it would be very helpful. In the meantime, I gather you have a cut on your right calf. Mind if I have a look?”

“A cut? I have a stab wound, Doctor.” Alice heard rustling and her mother whining and groaning.

“That is pretty deep. Well, we’re going to have to stitch you up. Mandy, go ahead and stitch her up will you?”

“Oh, no, I won’t be stitched up by some nurse.” They heard rustling.

“Ms. Kipp, you cannot shove my staff.”

“I will not be touched by a nurse. I was almost killed. I require a doctor’s touch.”

“You we’re not almost killed. And the nurse will stitch you up.” Alice could only imagine the faces of her mother and father right now. Her father would likely be sporting his detached, I’m really just the chauffer, face. Her mother had this sneer with eye-brows raised, upper lip puckered, and jaw clenched that Alice was sure she was displaying. But there was no more commotion from the other side of the curtain and the doctor appeared smiling in front of Alice and Sisko.

“So, I’m Dr. Geden, who wants to tell me what’s going on here?”

“My mother kicked me out of the house.”

“So you stabbed her?”

“No, Sir, I stabbed her because she’s unpleasant.”

“I understand that. Can I look at your leg?”

“It’s not deep enough for stitches.”

“No, it isn’t. Sisko, are you getting help for this?”

“I’m moving in with my sister.” Alice, smiled and raised her hand in a little wave. She was surprised by the sudden flutter in her stomach. He had really nice eyes.

“You’re her…”

“Sister, Alice. I mean I’m her sister, Alice. I’m not Sister Alice, sorry.”

“May as well be a nun,” Sisko muttered.

“Please excuse my sister, she’s not of sound mind.”

“That I can see,” said Dr. Geden swabbing Sisko’s leg with alcohol, “Sisko, cutting is a very serious problem. I’d like to admit you into psych for twenty-four hours for observation. Is that ok with you?”

“No.”

“Sisko, I want to help you. I want to make your pain go away.”

“Look, you seem really nice, but if you really want to help me, date my sister and get my mother off my back.” Sisko smiled. Alice rolled her eyes.

“Sisko, please do as the doctor asks. I’ll be with you, I can get someone to take my classes for the next couple of days. While you’re in here resting, Dad and I will move your stuff into my house and we’ll change the locks so Mom can’t get in. No worries, kido Sisko.” Alice smoothed her sister’s hair and touched her cheek. Tears welled up in Sisko’s eyes.

“I hate change.”

“Please, Sis.”

“Tell you what? Go to psych tonight, and I’ll visit you up there as often as I can.” Dr. Geden blushed a little as his gaze flitted to Alice. So much for clinical efficiency, she thought.

“Fine.” Sisko nodded, “I’ll go.” Dr. Gedes nodded and smiled and crossed to the other side of the curtain. Sisko turned to Alice, who took her in her arms and held her tightly while she cried.

Episode-6: Cutting the Cord

Sisko counted the pairs of knitting needles in their wall hanger three times, moved some baby blue bamboo yarn from the red to the light blue cubby hole, then sat down and dragged a knife across the skin above her knee.

“Mom’s kicking me out,” she said softly into the phone.

“So, you can come stay here. I have plenty of room,” Alice said.

“Everything is in order here. Do you know what it means to move?” she rounded off the ‘P’ just above her knee.

“Sisko, sweet heart, I know, but look, I’ll go with you to Dr. Dresh and we’ll get some meds for the move. They’ll zonk you out and Dad and I will take care of everything.” Sisko was silent. The lower case ‘a’ took some concentration to get right. Blood was dripping down both sides of her leg and onto the plastic sheet under her chair.

“Sisko? Why is Mom kicking you out?”

“She didn’t say.”

“God, I’m coming over tonight. Dad and I will help you plan and organize so you feel better. Everything will be fine.”

“I don’t think it will be.” ‘t’ was easy, but ‘r’ was harder. Sisko wasn’t good at cutting the rounded parts.

“Sisko, you know that the world doesn’t end when you don’t do your rituals. You know it’s all in your head. I wish you would go to therapy.”

“I’m don’t need therapy,” she whispered. ‘i’ with a sloppy flourish for the dot. Sisko heard the doorknob jiggle and she hung up the phone. She knew her Mom had a key. She knew her Mom came in to her room and moved things when she was gone. She didn’t watch the door open, she was concentrating on the ‘c’. She heard her mother walk in, no sharp intake of breath, no surprise. Patricia was never surprised. Sisko’s mind whispered for her to throw the knife. But the name was unfinished. Have to finish the name. Have to finish the name. Can’t leave it unfinished. Like a chant going through her mind. Another ‘i’. Her mother was just watching. Better leave before I finish, Sisko thought.

“At least you didn’t get blood on the carpet,” Patricia leaned over to get a better look, “little sloppy.” Sisko looked up and her mother smiled.

“Please leave.”

“Sisko, you know very well that I do not respond to your silly attention getting schemes. You have two weeks to move out, I really won’t put up with this anymore.” Patricia turned to leave and Sisko sank the knife in her calf. Then she pulled it out, wiped it off on a towel she had next to her, wiped it off with Clorox wipes, and then finished the ‘a’. Her mother’s screams and her father’s footsteps were distant as she put the final up-turn on the final letter in her mother’s name.

Episode-5: The Faux Hawk Butterfly

“Tell me you finished it, Al,” said a man in his mid thirties with soft brown eyes and a salt and pepper faux hawk as Alice unlocked her office door. She shook her head.

“Peter, you have no idea the night I had last night. There has to be some bug we could feed my mother that would eat her from the inside out, do you know of any?”

“I think they’re called parasites, but we don’t study those.” Alice rolled her eyes at him.

“I hate her, Peter. I mean I really hate her.” Alice set her coffee on her desk and dropped her bag on the floor.

“So you didn’t finish it?” he sat down in a chair across from her. Alice heaved her bag onto the desk and rummaged through it.

“She set a date up for me, and didn’t tell me until forty-five minutes before it was supposed to happen.” she handed Peter the paper.

“Oh, you’re a godsend. Thank you. What did you do?”

“I went and then I freaked out and ran away from him. Why are you smiling?” Alice’s mouth twisted into a hesitant smile, “what?” she was almost laughing now at Peter’s infectious grin.

“You’re just such a dork. The least you could have done is gotten a free dinner out of it. But you have to make everything so huge.”

“It is huge, Peter.”

“No, it’s just a date. They’ll all just be dates. And then you’ll meet the person of your dreams out of the blue.”

“Says the confirmed bachelor. And, I already had the ‘person of your dreams quota’ filled for my lifetime.”

“You’re such a defeatist.”

“You’re late for your first class.”

“Shit.” Peter hissed and flew out the door. Alice sighed and shook her head, but her smile lingered as she powered up her computer. Peter had been at the department a few years before Alice got there and they had become immediate friends, despite Peter’s affinity for the convenient monarchs. She did applaud his conservation efforts though. Alice groaned, she had an email from Nick. Her mother must have given stockbroker324 her work email, Alice took a deep breath and opened it.

Alison,

Your mom told me all about your situation. I understand if you need to take this slower. I think we could be great together. I really want to hear more about your butterfly hobby. I think that’s really cute.

Call me, or email me back, whatever,

Nick


Alice hit reply.


Nick,

Alice is not short for Alison. It’s just Alice. I don’t have a ‘situation’. And, I am an Assistant Professor of Biology at California Polytechnic State University. Hardly cute.

Clearly we have nothing in common. I do not see any further need for correspondence.

Good day,
Alice Haze, PhD


Alice hit send and drummed her fingers on the desk while she sipped her coffee. She checked her itinerary for the day. A couple undergrad classes, one on bee keeping which she always enjoyed. She’d thought a lot this past year about giving up her post and moving to the country to keep bees. Peter always talked her out of it. Told her she’d be a terrible business woman, “honey doesn’t sell itself, chickadee,” he would say. He was right too. The screen saver on her computer clicked on, a flying CPSU turned into a poorly animated butterfly against a black background. Alice stared at her reflection in the black screen. Straight dark hair, glasses, a good complexion, she’d always thought she was ok looking, but did it even matter now? She looked down at her clothes, functional grey wool skirt and jacket, with a black blouse, and leather boots, she looked like a teacher. She looked like what she should look like. Sisko had offered a makeover. Alice didn’t want to change anything ever again. Her screensaver clicked back off and a pop up announced incoming mail from stockbroker324.

Alice,

Sorry about the name thing. Didn’t have to be a bitch about it though.

Nick

Alice deleted it without a reply and looked at the clock. She had to get to class.

Episode-4: No Swagger

Alice had refused to drive with Stockbroker324, whose name turned out to be Nick, so she followed him to the restaurant. In the car she blasted Brit pop for no other reason than it made her feel perverse and argumentative. It made her feel like being a dark and difficult smart-ass punk. Which she was, just not on a regular basis. That was one reason she loved Joe so much. He was the physical manifestation of what she wanted her soul to be: dark, brooding, and brash. She might have been the same to him, the picture of his soul, but she doubted it. Joe was infinitely more complicated than Alice and she loved that too, trying to dissect and unravel him, she missed it. And in the car listening to Arctic Monkeys prattle on about sex and vulgar apathy she felt something akin to swagger. She put on red lipstick as she pulled into the restaurant. Nick opened her door for her and as she got out she breathed in his cologne and wrinkled her nose.

“This isn’t where I had intended to go,” Nick said, his face betraying nothing to Alice, “but it’s the only place I could think of without a dress code.” Alice flashed the sardonic smile she love to bestow on Sisko.

“You’ll have to forgive me, my mother set this up. I didn’t really want to come.”

“Well, this should be fun then.” Nick said as Alice walked ahead of him. It was a seafood restaurant, most of the places in Morro Bay were seafood restaurants. Alice entered the restaurant first and gave her name to the hostess. She turned and Nick was sitting in a seat near the door pointing to an empty spot next to him. Alice sat down.

“You know, you’re really pretty. That picture you put up on the site didn’t do you justice.”

“So, you’re a stock broker?” Alice asked, watching a family eating at a table near them. Nick cleared his throat.

“Yep. Do you know anything about preferred stocks?”

“Nope. Do you know anything about polyommatinae?” Nick let out an audible sigh.

“You’re really going to make this hard aren’t you?”

“Why are you being so persistent? You could have just bailed back at the house.”

“Sometimes the things you have to work for turn out to be the best things of your life.”

“I am neither a thing nor a tough nut to crack.” Alice was losing her swagger, the thought of keeping this up all through dinner just made her exhausted.

“Ok, ok, I get it. I can’t possess you. Didn’t mean to make it sound that way. I’m just not a quitter is all and I’m guessing, you have a cute little smile under all that toughness.” he raised his eyebrows. Alice furrowed hers.

“I’m not really a starter.”

“What does that mean?” Nick seemed to like this game.

“It means I don’t want to be here.” Alice ran for the second time that night, Nick calling out an apology after her. Alice knew she was the one who should be sorry, but she couldn’t be coy or flirtatious with a stock broker. With anyone.

It was dark, it was late and she had to work in the morning. Home meant facing her mother. The restaurant meant facing a reality she wasn’t ready for. She picked up her cell phone and called Sisko.

“Let me guess,” Sisko said on the other end, “you hate him?”

“Just tell mom I’m coming home, and if she’s there when I get back I’ll kill her.” Alice hung up the phone. She was half serious. Her father and Sisko would cover it up, they were good at that sort of thing. It’s not like they liked her either.

As Alice sat in her car outside the restaurant a dragonfly landed on her windshield. Anisoptera, she mouthed to herself, but she didn’t know exactly which species. She watched the big-eyed killer. It was dark and she couldn’t make out its color, reddish maybe, but its complexly veined wings shimmered in the streetlamp lighting the parking lot. Her grip loosened on the steering wheel as it just sat there. Alice never killed dragonflies for specimens. They lost their color when they died, a verification, she thought, that they were not as ephemeral as the butterflies she studied and should be left to fly.

Episode-3: Ophryocystis Elektroscirrha

Alice sat in her giant, puffy reading chair with a red pen, leafing through a colleague’s soon to be published paper on Ophryocystis elektroscirrha, a protozoan infecting and nestling under the wing scales of monarch butterflies. O. elektroscirrha sapped the butterflies’ strength and shortened their lifespans. Monarchs over-wintered in the eucalyptus trees in nearby Morro Bay so they were easy fodder for scientific study by some of her less than ambitious colleagues. Alice studied the blues, the Polyommatinae, like Nabokov. She planted buckwheat and milkweed in her garden to attract Icaricia acmon and secretly hated it when monarchs overtook the milkweed in the spring.

A deep red blob soaked through the pages where her pen-tip rested as Alice looked out her windows at the milkweed swaying in the breeze. It was October and the monarchs would be leaving Canada and Washington and heading toward Morro Bay. The sound of her front door opening startled her and she dropped the red pen onto her chair. It wasn’t the first red ink mark on the soft velvet and probably wouldn’t be the last.

“Where are you? Get dressed.” her mother’s husky voice, like a stalking cat, crept through the house to where Alice sat. She shuddered, then heaved herself out of the chair and made her way to Patricia.

“Hi, Mom, what are you doing here? Hi Sisko.” Sisko scowled at Alice, no doubt this was an unscheduled trip.

“You have a date tonight. Look at his profile.” Patricia said, straight faced and holding out a printed sheet of paper.

“No I do not. I’m working.” Alice waved her own ink splotched paper at her mother as proof.

“I set it up for you, he’ll be here in forty-five minutes. Come on, let’s go.” Patricia moved toward Alice and made shooing motions with her hands. Alice glanced over her mother’s shoulder at Sisko who glared at her and gave her a curt nod. Alice shook her head.

“No. I’m not ready and you can’t do this to me. I won’t go. I won’t get ready.” she leaned against the kitchen counter and folded her arms. Patricia’s face softened.

“Honey, I know this is hard, but you need to move on. And ‘Stockbroker324’ seems like the perfect guy.”

“Mom!” Alice’s chest felt tight. Joe had been an artist, a good one too. Their lifestyles meshed perfectly. As Alice wandered the country in search of blues, Joe followed, sketching and taking pictures. Butterflies showed up in a lot of his works. Even in the darker ones he had painted later on.

“He makes good money.”

“I don’t need money.” Alice was near tears, wishing her mother would issue her favorite threat.

“You need stability.”

“Mother the stock market is hardly stable,” Sisko broke in. Alice saw the opportunity to distract her mother.

“Why doesn’t Sisko have to get a man?” Alice pointed accusingly at her little sister. Sisko was twenty-seven with a successful knitted accessory business and still living at home. Patricia just rolled her eyes.

“Sisko is special, you just leave her be,” she said. Sisko’s mouth dropped open, but she thought better of arguing. Patricia checked her watch, “you now have only thirty minutes to get ready. I suggest you hurry. What can it hurt? If you don’t like him you don’t like him.” Alice shook her head and mouthed the word ‘no’.

“He’s not that bad looking, Alice,” Sisko took the profile from her mother and handed it to Alice.

“He looks,” Alice searched for the right word, “opulent,” was all she could come up with.

“Read more,” Patricia beamed.

“His hobbies are ‘racquet ball and shopping for his girl’,” Alice wrinkled her nose and shook her head again. Patricia’s smiled broadened. Alice was beyond words at this point so she continued with Stockbroker324’s, “He wants to find, ‘a sweet, really good looking girl to have his children’.”

“Oh, Mother! I didn’t even read that part,” Sisko grabbed the paper, “he wants a womb with nice tits. Alice doesn’t have nice tits.” Alice clenched her fists and ran to her bedroom. Sisko sprinted after her. Patricia waddled.

Twenty minutes later, as the doorbell rang. Alice unlocked her bedroom door and reappeared in jeans, flip-flops, and a black polo shirt from Target. Her hair was up in a pony tail and she had mascara and lip gloss on.

“Oh, honey, no.” Patricia shook her head in disbelief.

“I’ll go on your dates mother. But none of these men will like me.” She stomped to the door, her mother and Sisko close behind her.

“At least she looks hot in those jeans,” Sisko offered as Alice put her hand on the doorknob.

Only Quiet Applause Please

Sorry everyone, no new episode tonight. I got my first concussion (celebration is OK, but please do it quietly), and stringing this sentence together was no piece of cake.

Episode-2: The Blues

“Hi, Mom,” Alice couldn’t help sounding irritated as she sank into her favorite chair with the phone against her ear.

“This dating profile you and Sisko created is crap.”

“So write it yourself, what do I care?” Alice cradled the phone between her shoulder and ear as she picked at a tuna sandwich.

“Honey, I know you’re still upset about Joe, we all miss him. It’s been a whole year though.”

“Tomorrow, it’ll be a year tomorrow,” Alice said, absently nibbling on a tomato.

“If you start to cry I’m hanging up.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Alice heard her mother sigh on the other end of the line. There was a minute of silence and Alice knew her mother was regrouping. Her mother was like Patton, she had a strategic goal and she’d accomplish it no matter what the casualties were. Behind her back Alice and her father had called her mother ‘Old Blood and Guts’ for years.

“Alice, you know I love you,” came the cooing voice from the other end of the line.

“I’ll pretend.”

“You need a man. And you aren’t going to get one by putting on a dating website that you are a lepidopterist.”

“But that’s what I am.”

“It’s nerdy. No one likes a girl who thinks too much.”

“No, idiots don’t like girls who think too much.” There was more silence on the other end. Old Blood and Guts was switching tack again. Alice took a bite of her tuna and flipped on the T.V. She had yoga class in an hour and this conversation could easily run that long if she couldn’t figure out how to derail it.

“Mom, have you ever heard of Glaucopsyche xerces?”

“Honestly, Alice, I don’t want to talk bugs right now. I want to get you a man so you can have grandkids.”

“You should adopt.” Alice heard her father in the background asking about the butterfly and she smiled.

“Your father wants to know the butterfly you asked me about.”

“The Xerces blue.” Alice took another bite and listened to her father burst into muffled laughter as her mother told him the name of the butterfly.

“What’s the joke?” her mother demanded.

“Glaucopsyche xerces was the first butterfly to become extinct in the U.S. when a practice ground for Army tanks was built over the sand dunes where it lived.”

“I don’t get why that’s funny.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom.” Alice could hear her mother cover the phone and scream at her father who was still laughing.

“I don’t get you two sometimes.”

“Dad likes me.”

“I love you. I want you to be happy. Your father is still laughing.”

“Hey, Mom, I gotta go. I have yoga.” her mother was still berating her father.

“I’m not done.”

“I know, Mom, but I need to leave.”

“Fine, but I’m monitoring your profile and I’m picking dates for you. Email me your schedule so I know when to book men for dates.”

“No. Bye.” Alice hit the hang-up button on the phone and let her head fall back into the comfy chair.

Episode-1: A Widow in Its Jaws

“God, what are you looking at now?” a tanned, bleach blond girl in oversized sunglasses slammed her car door and made her way up the walkway where her sister was crouched.

“It’s a daring jumping spider, Phidippus audax I think. But it killed a black widow.”

“Wow,” the blond girl said as she dug through her purse.

“Oh come on, that’s cool. Widows aren’t aggressive, but they don’t have that many natural enemies either. That’s a big kill for the jumper,” Alice snapped photos while she spoke.

“Good for him.”

“See how the widow’s abdomen is all shriveled? Phidippus don’t spin webs. He’s sucking her dry as we speak, he’ll just carry her around until she’s empty.”

“Gross. I thought you weren’t a spider studier.”

“Arachnologist, no, but all aspects of the natural world…”

“Hold wonder, I know.”

“Sheesh, Sisko, I can feel your eye-roll with my back turned.”

“Are you gonna put one of those pictures on your profile for that dating site we talked about.”

“I told you I’m not doing that.” Alice stood and offered her little sister a sardonic smile before she opened the screen door and let her in. Alice watched Sisko check the door jambs and ceilings and smiled as she rhythmically brushed each arm twice then ran her hand from the top of her head to the ends of her smooth hair. Alice refused to rid her house of spiders. They walked to the kitchen, Alice got glasses and a pitcher of iced tea.

“How’s Mom?” Alice asked. Sisko rolled her eyes again.

“Dad and I have a pact, if this new therapist doesn’t work were dumping her body in the ocean.”

“She’s still refusing to talk to me?”

“Until a mother approved profile has been posted on a mother approved dating site.”

“Which is the purpose of this unscheduled visit I suppose.” Alice offered Sisko a slice of lemon for her iced tea. Sisko’s fingers clicked along her phone’s keyboard, ignoring the lemon. Grinning, Alice squeezed it, squirting juice all over Sisko’s phone and T-shirt. Sisko nearly dropped her phone as she jumped back from the kitchen island where they stood. She stared at Alice with her mouth open in shock.

“Alice! My shirt is dirty now.”

“It’s lemon juice, Kiddo, it’s not going to hurt anything.”

“It’s dirty.”

“You can’t even see it. It may as well be water.”

“I can smell it. Oh my God, I can smell it. I can’t walk around the rest of the day like this.” Sisko set her phone down and wiped it off with a soft cloth she pulled from her purse, then she grabbed her keys and stomped out of the kitchen with a wicked glance at Alice. Alice laughed and squeezed the remaining juice from the lemon slice into her glass. She hopped up on a stool at the counter and snatched a notepad and pen lying near her.

“June 13, 2009:
Spotted a Phidippus audax with a partially desiccated Latrodectus hesperus in its chelicerae just outside the front door. Took lots of pictures. I think it (P. audax) must live in the flax plants in the garden. I can see now why they are called ‘daring’ jumping spiders. It was a jarring image; my usual subjects of study are so gentle and graceful that these reminders of how violent the bug world is always make me giddy.”

The front door slammed and Alice heard Sisko tromping up the stairs to the master bedroom. She closed the note pad and followed.

“That’s a cute shirt,” Alice said as a peace offering. Sisko, clad in a new T-shirt, was bent over her bathroom sink, scrubbing the lemon juice out of her old shirt.

“Not as cute as the one you got dirty.”

“How’s your therapy going?”

“Funny. I don’t need therapy. I need a sister who isn’t a thoughtless jerk.” Sisko released drain and wrenched the faucet, sending a stream of hot water over the now clean shirt.

“I could have just thrown that in the laundry you know.”

“Oh, so it could sit for a week with acid on it? No way.”

“So what was your scheduled activity today, before Mom made you come here?”

“Baa gets a new delivery today. I planned on going over there to see if they got anything I don’t already have. I need more bamboo yarn, I can’t even work on anything if I don’t have some in my stash. It’s all I can think about. Need more bamboo, need more bamboo, need more bamboo. And if I don’t get there by eleven, then my blog will get posted late, then I’ll have to cook diner for P and M on time so that means I won’t get my ironing or knitting done or my website updated until late.” she pressed the shirt against the side of the sink to get the excess water out. And then looked around the room. Alice just watched her, she’d seen this routine at least a hundred times, probably more. Sisko grabbed a clean hand towel from the cabinet and stood on the edge of the bathtub while she wiped the shower curtain rod clean. Then she took the T-shirt and hung it over the rod.

“Why don’t you just go to Baa now. We’ll just tell Mom we made a profile.”

“Nope. She wants logins, passwords, everything. She wants proof.” Sisko dried her hands. Alice furrowed her brow as Sisko walked past her to Alice’s office.

“I really have to do this?”

“Sit.” Sisko demanded.